13 Mar Is it a good idea to ask my close friends if my partner and I are compatible?
If I had to choose the most common question couples ask us, I’d say it’s some version of “are we compatible”. A very underused avenue to try and shed some light on this question is actually right in front of us, always available, but not used as often as it should be. Of course, I’m referring to our best and closest friends.
For some reason, we still haven’t fully woken up to the fact that relationships have changed from a contractual agreement between a man (the dominant party) and woman (the subordinate party) to a friendship between two equals. The implications of this change are immense and it’s only natural that a substantial amount of time is needed to truly embrace this change. However, we will go a long way to speeding up this shift in our perception of relationships by finally realising that they are no longer a completely different entity to friendships, they are simply a subset of friendships. They represent (or should represent) the subset of friends that time has proven to be the closest as well as being the most enjoyable to live with.
With this in mind, who better to ask if someone has what it takes to be my compatible close friend than those who have already been through the recruitment process? Our closest friends know us inside out, they know what we like, what we don’t like, which personality type suits us best and what we look for in a close friend. In a way, they represent our emotional cabinet, the most qualified people in our lives to tackle the question: “what are we like and what type of person do we get on with?”
This exercise is about letting your close friends get to know your partner and provide you with some insight on your level of compatibility. It goes without saying that the first few times you date someone, it’s only naturall to do that without your friends to see if you two actually can get passed the initial ‘getting to know each other’ phase. This exercise is really best for those that have been going out for let’s say two months, up to the time before you want to have children. Children represent the ultimate long-term commitment and if you are going to do that, getting the opinion of your close friends is something I highly recommend. The earlier the better, which is why I’m suggesting that this exercise is first done after two months of dating and perhaps periodically thereafter, say every six months or so. Socialise with your partner and your close friends, then ask your friends for their opinion. If they give a positive feedback as to your compatibility, this is wonderful, you really should use this as a telling positive sign. If, on the other hand, your friends give subdued reaction, then do not ignore this sign.
The point of this exercise is not to split up the minute one of your close friends decides that thy don’t like your partner. The point is to see if there are signs that you two are not close fun friends, because in today’s world, that is the number one vital ingredient to making a long-term relationship stay fun and loving. Having your friends give a somewhat lukewarm reaction to your compatibility with your partner should be welcomed rather than feared. There are two reasons why compatibility may not be apparent to your friends: either you two are really incompatible and you’re just fooling yourself only to discover later in life that you made a mistake; or you two could be compatible but you follow wrong wisdoms and bad habits that do not allow compatibility, fun and love to flourish.
Each couple has its own reasons based on their own individual path dating back to childhood. Finding out which of the two reasons apply to you is exactly what we do at Compass4Couples. Regardless of the outcome, the process is to provide you with tools to decide for yourself based on a better understanding of yourself, your partner and what you need to have and keep a fun and loving relationship. I invite you to try this exercise and no matter what the outcome is, chat to us, use our online chat facility, you can try it for free, if you find it useful, you can continue, if not, you don’t have to.
Our aim is to reduce the current 80% rate of lovelessness in long term relationships and we want you to help us do that by chatting to us from as early as possible in your relationship. We hope to hear from you and we hope you give us the chance to make you part of the 20% and, eventually, we hope to see that 80% statistic drastically reduced.